Notes from the Chicago Airport

Catching connecting flights can be interesting... or maybe I just refuse to allow life to be boring.
Here it is:

1. Starbucks grande no water soy chai.. check!
2. I have seen 3 women with wedding dresses.. I'm punching the next one square in the face.
3. Since when do women wear those Jewish hat things.. ?
4. The most unattractive guy can throw on a navy uniformand be attractive. If he travels in a group of 12.. Even better
5. I'm all for families doing stuff together but maybe not doing drugs and riding the escalator around and around.
6. Chili's should serve fried food starting at 7AM those traveling drunk.
7. There is a 10 year old wandering around lost. I would help.. But it's mildly entertaining. And I hate kids.
8. Note to moms: Do NOT dress your 16 year old son in an Aeropostle sweat suit. It's just rude.
9. Beautiful by Michael Buble is playing. Classic.
10. Yeah.. Give your 6 year old daughter a bigger bag of McDonald's. The one the size of her body isn't big enough. Are you trying to kill her?! Shit.
11. Ha. If I EVER catch anyone I know wearing a pin with a picture of their kid on it, I will never let it go. Never.
12. Neon yellow vests? That's embarrassing.
13. My gate says I'm headed to Cancun. I wish.
14. Bitch. If you're not charging something, get out of recharging area. People have dying phones.
15. No. Outlets do not double as Internet providers. No. Jesus... THINK!
16. Matching family vacation tshirts. Enough said.
17.I hate baby talk. If they don't understand your normal voice what makes you think they will understand a fucked up chipmunk voice?
18. AT&T should have stuck with "more bars in more places." The new campaine sucks penguin penis.
19. Olypics 2016 Chicago. I'm goin. Michael Phelps told me to.
20. Gay marriage legal in Iowa. Just missed my chance.
21. Pause: nap
22. Well.. people still use harmonicas?!? Fucking great. [End nap].
23. I went to the restroom. When I opened the door there was a little girl standing at my door. Scared the shit out of me.
24. Flight 642: delayed because of snow in NY. Just called Ben.. No snow. You lying fucks.

N.